Audible Expectations; Self-doubt vs Reality at the Park City Point to Point

The mind has an amazing amount of control and YES that means over your bodies actions.  That's whether you like it or not so don't be stubborn and say otherwise.  That doesn't mean it has to work against you but it can if you allow it.  Why do you think so many top performers; athletes and business persons alike; often have some type of imagery habit where they see themselves achieving a goal before it even happens?

The reason I allude to this spurs from my recent experience in the Park City Point to Point mountain bike race.  If you don't know much about it; it's a 75 mile race over the vast network of trails in Park City, UT that covers 3 ski resorts and boasts 11,000 ft of gain on nearly all singletrack trail.  Needless to say it's challenging not only for the fitness of the legs but the body takes it's toll with all the twists and turns combined with the descents. 

This event had been on my list several years but as it sells out in the matter of minutes, I'd missed my opportunity but this year I committed to buying an entry off the forum as the even neared and those early birds that snagged up the entries quickly realized when August rolls around they are in over their head.  Well this was me for this year as I'd only raced twice to this point and they were both in April and May.  Needless to say my expectations weren't high for the event but I did have expectations; to have fun!  That expectation may sound low, but it's the truth.  I've had some great results in the past at mtb events but taking a year in Africa working as full time coach and then coming back spending some time building my business and catching back up on life with my wife took precedence over focusing on the racing as much as previous years.  But I felt the pressure with all those that know me making statements corralled with expectations.  Things like, "You going for Alex's top spot since he's at Worlds?!"  Are you crazy, that's why he's at Worlds and I'm not! 

I was being honest setting a goal to finish in 7:15-7:30 time frame which would have been somewhere in the top 25.  Don't get me wrong, that is still an audacious goal and you know this if you've done the event.  But I've coached athletes to finishes in this from pros to those trying to get across the line in one piece, so I know what it takes and where I was at.

But this is where it gets juicy and complex.  Usually low expectation is surrounded by negative talk and self doubt and can lead to poor performance.  Hence why I often talk athletes off the self-doubt and negative connotation tightrope.  Was this the case for me personally?  Was I talking myself down?  Was I putting a cap on my performance?  Maybe yes?  Or was I?

The difference is I wasn't talking down about myself but being realistic with my own goals and thus reducing the pressure on my shoulders. In my own eyes, I was being honest with what I'd put into the process and thus what I expected to get in return.  From my coaching experience there's a difference between running yourself in the ground with negative self-talk or doubt and being honest with oneself.  "I suck" or "There's no way I am ready for this" are unnecessarily beating yourself up.  But stating what you've actually logged and thus what's realistic may set you up for better success since you are less likely to get in over your head.  For example, "Well I haven't gotten those 2 long rides in that I'd wanted but I did crush some great climbs on my shorter days that were good quality." 

The difference between the negative talk and what I was doing was drastic.  I don't think I suck; I'm actually pretty talented.  I don't say that to be cocky but I don't talk myself down. I CAN ride the shit out of some singletrack and more challenging terrain very well.  I always joke about being a better mountain biker because I can hide my lack of fitness in all the technicalities.  

Hitting root drop barely after shoving face with Snicker & bacon feed!

But from the fire of the gun at the start line I didn't race timidly.  I have a belief of trying to be in a good position so if I start to suffer I can drift back a bit and still hopefully maintain good cohorts to ride with.  Another piece of this was a goal of not wanting to be too far back.  I know trail riding is my strength and I didn't want to be stuck behind less skilled riders when I can be efficient with my flow.  Well I put myself in the top 30 (where I'd set my goal) in the start grid and maintained this through the "neutral" rollout to hit the singletrack.  I quickly was frustrated as I was riding inefficiently behind some other guys that were grabbing more brake than necessary in corners or not carrying speed where I thought we should.  It quickly turned into a game of "you mind if I come around and fill in that gap?" This mild frustration led me to picking up spots when either someone got nervous and blew a corner or I'd passed when a few prime passing spots opened up. They were gassed from fighting the trail and I was recovering behind them so I had a little more juice to punch it around.

Believe it or not, I found myself telling a fellow racer in the opening hours, "don't let me get in your way....I'm in way over my head right now!"  This was in a lead group of 9 guys that had created a separation of several minutes by the 1st check points.  I truly believed this at this point.

This recurrence let to the lead group of 9 and me looking back with no one in sight thinking, "What the f--- did I get myself into?!"  Well I was top 10 so my goals still stood early in the race; maintain a top 25 finish with a 7:15-7:30 finish time.  This just meant I was able to drift back with grace and hopefully finish with some dignity and pride if I could deal with many riders I know riding through me as the day progressed.  So I quickly focused on my fundamentals of racing; riding a pace adequate for me, eating and drinking, and still trying to ride with a few others to help with camaraderie and a bit of extrinsic motivation.  So the initial piece resulted in being split from the main group of paid studs but still being able to see a few riders seconds ahead and riding with only 1 or 2 others for hours.  But this was good for me because I was able to flow the trail and techy sections without riding someone elses pace while not being forced to punch it harder than I thought necessary on demanding fitness sections.  This conservative racing strategy paid off for me as I hit aid station 1 maintaining good position and my mind had started to change from "drift back gracefully" to "let's hold this!"  

I realized my mind-set and thus expectations were starting to morph after settling in.  I realized this when I decided to not stop and pump my rear tire that had been giving me issues with too low of pressure and I was hitting the rim waaaay too often and mostly while seated climbing!  I knew this the entire week leading in that it was slowly losing pressure but knew it'd make it 7hrs so I just ran it, albeit a bit too low for race day to start.  But at this point, I didn't want to lose my position and figured I'd risk the squishy tire and ride a little more nimbly!   As the hours progressed, I actually caught a few of the riders in 6-8th position which solidified the fact I was racing and some behind me caught up too but we were going back and forth based on who was climbing or descending better. 

I had to quickly make some decisions to make quick aid transitions because I hadn't established any support so I was just stopping and swapping bottle, hydration packs and food out on my own or at the neutral spots while I saw the others getting full musset bag hand ups or support at various spots along the course with fresh bottles and food.  I felt strong as I saw my early conservative pacing was allowing me to keep a similar pace throughout where some others had zapped their punch early and were paying now.  I was able to diesel by some guys late in the race and I kept on my routine of putting fuel in the tank so I'd have it to the finish.  This worked as I rode away from 8th and 9th on one of the last big climbs of the day and the weather turned adverse with rain, lightning and bit of hail with a 20deg temperature drop.  But I know I ride well in conditions so I kept pushing because I'd seen another rider 90 sec up from my count where the trail crossed and I caught a glimpse.  I eventually reeled him in and realized he was zapped as he was gassed trying to keep up as I passed.  But he was local and knew the trails of which I was riding completely blind.  So 6 hours into a race we all get a little tired and sloppy but I was trying to keep it focused and dialed even with numb hands and this is where I really upped my expectations to race to the finish.  With squishy tire I was able to get great traction but also the roots and rocks were looming.  I pushed the pace with the goal of putting in some time on the descents because I knew I was on the verge of cramping.   The conditions, new trail and adrenalin of being in the hunt put me into a flow state where I was floating down the descents and perfectly carrying flow around corners in the right gear.   This resulted in a solo ride down the finish descent after putting some time into the rider I'd caught with a final time of 6:55 and 6th place.

6th place after a goal of top 25! Only 1 of 10 riders going sub 7hrs! WTF?!  My mind is still perplexed and I still surprised those around me that weekend and even some fellow pro buddies that I raced with on the day. They expected to catch me later.  And honestly I was with them because I was just waiting for them to catch me so I could ride with some friends.  Even this sounds a little negative; "I'm just gonna get caught" but really it was more about I knew how fit and how well some of these guys had been finishing so getting caught by them would have been an honor, but holding them off was a huge mental boost all day long.   So needless to say I was ecstatic that I'd raced to this finish time and placement but the competitor in me was upset that I'd missed the podium and the large payout by 1 spot!  A good friend of mine says, "always be happy, never be content!" and this couldn't have been more true on the day.  I was happy, but wasn't content. 

All this boils down to reverting to the principles that you can fall back on as your rocks.  Everyone should have something like this and if not you should identify it.  In my case these were; 1) I can ride the hell of trails...so bring it and don't let others hold me back, 2) pacing - I know what I'm capable of so didn't let others skew me too far from what I know is possible, 3) executing on objectives I'd seen in training knowing them as true (i.e. heart rate values & power output), 4) fueling smart - because a race like this can be a race of fueling making sure your not tapping empty gauge at any point in the day, and finally 5) the low-pressure mindset of "what's the worst that can happen; I can blow up and find my edge thus learning something along the way or I'll hang on and have a fun day?"    Luckily I diverted the blow up but teetered on the edge several times while having a fun day.

 I actually joke with a few people that I hear state, "well that didn't suck" or "it's not so bad".  They actually mean this as a good thing and almost as a being a compliment.  When for some because of the negative word choice it comes off as a bad thing.  So which are you?  If I told you the execution of a workout "wasn't that bad", what would you think?  Would you be insulted?  What about if I said, "yeah that was good"?  Does it mean the same thing?  

Persons often perceive things different and this goes to how you talk to yourself.  Ask yourself some of these questions and then bounce it off what you are telling yourself in day to day happenings, leading into a competition or event, and even as you progress through this challenging situation.  Don't tell yourself you suck.  That's directed at you as a person.  Instead direct the statement at something within your control of changing, like "my fitness isn't where I want it right now."  Do you see the difference?  You can work on your fitness but how can you work on sucking less!?  And if you focus on the fitness you can also state some things that you did (hopefully) to prepare for what you are embarking on.  By this I mean, I know I completed some specifics within my training (if you can call it that!) that prepared me for this experience.  Like I did some long 30-45min climbs at race pace and some short repeated bursts above threshold that hurt but were adding depth to the engine.  So focus on what you DID not what you weren't able to do.  I wasn't able to do many long rides or races, but I wasn't hashing that out as the day progressed.  I was referring back to the power I'd seen on these long climbs or short repeats, thinking "I've done this and I've been here, so just keep the floor up and don't let it drop."

The take home of this is to aim your thoughts at what you've done that is helping you get through the challenge you face and always adjust based on what you are seeing real time.  It just so happens this is a better coming from worse scenario but believe me I've had days where I've felt like a slug for 80 miles of a race and endured until I was able to come around focusing on the same principles.